I can't help but feeling like I need to blog, just to write and express my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, and hopes. I am a mom and with that, come so many emotions I never imagined having when I dreamed of motherhood. I definitely didn't think it would be the hardest thing I had ever done even though I had heard these sentiments expressed from mothers. Now that I am in it, I feel overwhelmed much of the time. It has not been an easy road. My daughter is a spirited child and I have yet to meet a baby that was as fussy as she was/is. She would fight sleep, always with fidgeting and crying as a newborn and even now as a toddler. She likes things her way and will cry with her strong vocal chords if she doesn't get her way.
In many ways I fear the future more than the present. Once she can voice her opinion and defy me more deliberately with her words and actions, I feel this will be the toughest times. So I know there is a long road of motherhood ahead, and I wonder how I can stay happy and be myself through it all. I lose my temper when I get really frustrated and that's the worst--yelling at a yelling baby makes everything explode.
I wonder what other moms do. Do they sit with their child and sing songs every day all day? Because I can only read books, sing songs, and play with Charity for so long before she and I both get bored. What I would like to do is play the piano while she does something on her own; or go to the gym and drop her off in the kids club without her crying; or paint something without her trying to get into it. But I simply cannot. Motherhood is almost like a dungeon where I can't do what I please to when I please to. But I know there are ups and downs and today is just a down. She has been extra fussy for some reason. "This too shall pass", something my mom always says.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
In many ways I fear the future more than the present. Once she can voice her opinion and defy me more deliberately with her words and actions, I feel this will be the toughest times. So I know there is a long road of motherhood ahead, and I wonder how I can stay happy and be myself through it all. I lose my temper when I get really frustrated and that's the worst--yelling at a yelling baby makes everything explode.
I wonder what other moms do. Do they sit with their child and sing songs every day all day? Because I can only read books, sing songs, and play with Charity for so long before she and I both get bored. What I would like to do is play the piano while she does something on her own; or go to the gym and drop her off in the kids club without her crying; or paint something without her trying to get into it. But I simply cannot. Motherhood is almost like a dungeon where I can't do what I please to when I please to. But I know there are ups and downs and today is just a down. She has been extra fussy for some reason. "This too shall pass", something my mom always says.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
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