Big Bear

3.4.10. Easter Sunday. I celebrated Easter Sunday with Nickell and Aaron and the Jensen family. It was good. It just makes me miss my own family!Gosh I really do! I miss Big Bear-with Garth sitting in the kitchen watching T.V. as Joan and Pam and Mom make either luch or dinner and talk about the lastest health secrets they heard about and what they think of it. Or the lastest missionary experience they heard of or the great book they're reading. As grandpa either sits on the oragan singing to a good ol' love song from his past or sists in the big lean-back charis and watches TV. If Pam's not cookin, she'll be rockin out with the tambourine to an up-beat song grandpa plyas. Melody and holly might be playing cards on the dark wood decagon (or how ever many agon) table with the big brown rolling chairs. Brandon and Steven would either be down in the basement imagining cool movie scenes or they'll be recording themselves eat cheerios for breakfast, or drinking hot chocolate late at night in the kitchen island. David, Heather, and Joel and Heather would be playing couples pool in the pool table room. Crystal, Summer, and I would be wither laughing at Brandon and Steven or playing along in their videos or playing a game with Robert. Nicole would be talking and laughing with Aaron. At one point in the weekedn there would be a puzzle on which Heather would spend hours on and finish within hours. Adam would be reading a book on the white couch with brown speckles by the oragen. Later that night we might play a game and all laugh hysterically. Then we would all just relax and say good night to Robert as Joan and Don put him up to bed. We all would just talk and laugh for the rest of the night until we realized it must be bed time because everything is just too funny. Crystal, Summer, Melody, Holly, and I would crawl into our blue and red color themed bunk bed room. Amber and Heather would laugh toghether until they fell asleep in the blue room with two matching floral bedspreads. Friends or girlfriends or boyfriends, or fiancees would sleep in the other various rooms--there was always ways to make room. It was always a party in that house-so fun! If it was snowing outside we'd play in the snow, or if we were feeling ambitious, we'd create an awesome sled course with a sweet jump on the end. A few of us on occasion would maybe even sled all the way down to the edge of the frozen (or just really really cold) lake. I can remember actually sledding into the water once-not fun, but Summer and Crystal thought it was so funny. If it was Summer time, we'd all play a game of spit on the deck table. The sun would set over a glistening lake with occasionally humming of boats going by. The air was so clean, so clear--so far away from the worries of the world-away from jobs, from school, from neighbors, and busy schedules. It was a break but more of a blessing than anything-it was a piece of heaven on earth. In the morning, we'd all roll out of bed when our bodies felt like it, or when the aroma and distant sounds from the kitchen traveled to the bedrooms. Pam would be there talking with Dad as he dished off different varieties of waffles: "Who want6s a Belgium? Hurry up while its warm!" If you didn't make your voice known or be prompt enough to grab a waffle, you'd end up eating your waffle practically in the afternoon when the Moms are moving on to preparing lunch. For lunch, Joan would maker a bread bowl with dip inside. Pam would set out a dish of something healthy like pineapple. There would be muts that we could snack on all throughout the day.

Sometimes it seemed like Big Bear would always be there. It even seemed like there. It even seemed like there was never even a time when Big Bear did NOT exist. HOwever, when I look back on it, it all seems like just a handful of moments and memories that flew by. One day it was 1991 and the next, it was 2010. And on holidays, I miss my family-I miss each of them who filled up the Big Bear house every holiday. I miss them by name and I think of them often. I miss the sound and feeling of when we walk through those beautiful double doors onto the hexagon tiles that make a bumpy noise when we drag our wheeled suitcases across it. I miss hugging each cousing and aunt and uncle and hearing their comments on how much older I look since last holiday (when you are young each month is a drastic difference). I miss going to church with such a big group and not having to introduce myself or try to form friendships or prove myself as a person. My family defined me and I didn't need to seek joy in other ways.

.....That was only part of what I wrote in my journal last night. I continued to write memories of Big Bear. I love writing in my journal. While this post is very nastalgic, I do have to counter that with what Elder Jeffery R. Holland inspired us BYU students on in a devotional last year. He talked about looking back longingly toward the past and wanting to go back...and what a sin that is! He compared it to Lot's wife who looked back on the burning city wanting to still be there, and then she was turned into a pillar of salt. Why is wanting to go back to the past such a sin? Well...because its saying that we do not believe that God has more in store for us ahead than what he has given us already. Its not having faith. Faith is always associated with the future. Dwelling on the past is not what Heavenly Father wants us to do. He wants us to always look forward! Forward to better days, better ways, and essentially, eternal life! It is great to remember the past and enjoy the memories we might have already made, but not to want to go back. It is also great to remember the past for the memories it teaches us. But faith is directed toward the future-that heavenly father has more in store for us ahead. I love this talk so so much. It is called "Remembering Lots Wife." and it was given in january of 2009 as a BYU devotional. You can watch it online if you google BYU devotional Holland Lots Wife, or something like that. I highly recommend!